Don't be Afraid of Your Joy

I want to preface this particular blog entry by saying that I absolutely am blessed beyond measure to be the mother of three great kids.  I am honored that God chose me and Kevin to guide them and raise them up. I am grateful for the good, the bad and the crazy times we have together. I love my children, though not of my womb- conceived in my heart!

Right now, as we speak, I know 6 women who either just gave birth or are currently pregnant.  They all come from very different walks of life, they vary in age from 20's to 30's and are of no particular marital, economic or cultural status.  These are 6 beautiful women, with big loving hearts- perfect for first time motherhood or motherhood part 2 thru part 5! These women have been blessed with biologically conceiving a child within their womb. These women have been given the task of sacrificing their body image to bring forth life.  These women who know what it feels like having morning sickness, weird cravings, peeing often, feeling fat and hormonally out of control. These women who know what it feels like to have a child move inside of them, feel the kicks, see them on an ultrasound, hear their tiny heart beat and watch them develop until they are finally ready to be presented to the world!

I am thrilled, beyond thrilled for them- I share in their joy and I delight with them! It is an exciting time in their life that they have been blessed with and as a friend or family member I get to share in that blessing! 

The miracles of birth are simply that - a miracle. I can't even begin to comprehend how God thought us up and created us. I can't fathom how he designed all of our parts and systems to work together as one body. He knows how much hair is on their heads, He knows what color eyes they will have, He knows what their personality is going to be- what will make them laugh and cry. God knows what they will struggle with and what they will be gifted with. He already knows each unique baby inside and out.  He knows if they will believe in Him or reject Him- and loves them still the same no matter what.  He is/was in the womb (outside the womb) creating this delicate and intricately woven human being. I imagine that as He works in creating, He hums and smiles. I believe He whispers to them and sings to them. I believe that God is so intimate with His creation that He leaves His imprint upon us! These tiny miracles have been chosen for their momma's (and daddies and everyone else who will love them!) I believe deep in my heart- He was that way with me and He was that way with you- this is who He is. I imagine His big soft gentle hands cupping the babies and marveling at His creation. The deep, deep look of love that He feels looking down on them. Oh the plans He has for each of them. Plans to give them hope and a future! 

Oh what Joy!!!!  Ode to Joy/Ants Go Marching by the Piano Guys

On more than one occasion, when these momma's share their big news-their extreme joy, I notice sadness. I hear it in their voice, I can see it in their eyes.  A cloud hovering as they announce that they are having a baby. This puzzled me the first couple times it happened. Why are you sad? Why so downcast?  And then it comes out....these compassionate and loving momma's ache for me. They are so careful to consider me, so careful to not hurt my feelings because I have not been blessed in this particular way of having a child. They don't want to come across prideful or appear to gloat, they are sensitive and sweet and just that thought alone makes me cry.  I love my momma friends out there- I need you! I am grateful to have you in my life and call you friend or family! How honored I am that in your joy, you consider what might be my pain. You are so sincere and so polite- it makes me love you all the more. But I beg of you- please, please don't be afraid of your joy! Because if it were me- you couldn't hold back my joy! 

We are called to rejoice with others and mourn with others, there is a season for it all. This is your season- a season for your family, your unborn baby- your joy! Soak it up- cherish the good and the bad. You were called for this! This is not about me, it is not about my family-this is not our time! Thank you for being considerate but to all other future momma's out there- CELEBRATE! Life has begun in YOU!!! You were chosen- You were picked- You are perfect for the job- You are qualified with all that you need right now! 

I won't deny there are not times when I have not felt jealous or sad- it happens. I can't predict when it will show up or why it shows up at times- but it does. But understand this...my husband and I realize this is our path- this is our story. He chose me too- in a different way...He picked me too- in a different way- He said I was perfect for this job- same job as you, so not in a different way (LOL) He says I am qualified- despite how very unqualified I feel.  God picked my children like He chose yours. He created them in a different location- but He gave them to me in my heart like yours. I do feel a loss at times, things I miss out on or won't experience- but then I realize He has other things for me and for my hubby! He doesn't love me less because I have not been given a child to carry in my womb- He loves me differently.

I am sure I am not the only momma out there who feels like this, who is in my position- who knows maybe I am...but I would be missing out on a whole lot of wonderful if I focused on me and not on your joy! Thank you for thinking of me sweet momma's but your joy is my joy and I want to celebrate with you!

Has it really been that long?

What makes me laugh as I am typing this particular blog post, is thinking about my title "The Committed Mom".  How ironic is it that my last post was quite a long time ago? What does that say about my commitment? What does that say about me?  I joke, but I am also secretly embarrassed. This past weekend I had the opportunity to attend a 1 day simulcast conference in Detroit for my new business (YEA ME- I HAVE A NEW BUSINESS, I'll save that for another blog).  While I was there I had the joy and privilege of listening to a woman speak, who is lovingly referred to as "Coach Dar". She was amazing and she spoke directly to my heart and soul.  I can honestly say there are changes  taking place in me right now, that were spurred on because she took the time to share her passion and her heart.  I don't doubt for one moment that God organized this entire conference just so I would hear her words. (Ok maybe the conference was actually for the business, but I shall cling to the idea that it was just for me).  Coach Dar helped me realize some things about myself that I want to change, that I have wanted to change so desperately for so long- but have lacked the ability, passion and drive to do so. Coach Dar spoke truth in love and simply lifted the blinders off my eyes about how I see myself and where I see myself going.

This business that I am currently involved in, has blessed me with an incredibly positive mentor/director (or soon to be director). She is always on me about my goals and what do I want to do with them? Where do I see myself in my business? Let me tell you a little secret about me- the word GOALS scares me to death! It conjures up feelings and emotions that make me feel incredibly uncomfortable. Maybe I fear the word because I am excellent at starting something, I get inspired, have great ideas and motivations- I am a truly excellent sprinter in the beginning! However, I can not run the entire race. I lose interest, I get distracted, I become self-defeated, I say I can't do this anymore it's too hard, I don't like it or  I don't really want it that bad.  I don't want to be a really excellent sprinter anymore. It's unsatisfying and it leaves me feeling bad about myself.  I haven't truly accomplished anything.  For crying out loud I was even determined to do a Couch to 5K and rallied people to do the Color Run with me before I turned 40. I said I am gonna do this, join me- and they did! Guess what- I didn't! I made excuses and backed out. Sadly, this added to my fuel of not setting goals- because now I was disappointing lots of people. People who were supporting me, people who rallied behind me. I wasn't just letting me down anymore and so I ran away and hid. I hid from things that called me and challenged me. I avoided things I knew God was calling me to do, I avoided being a fool and disappoint by not doing anything. To get right to the point, the word Goals makes me feel like a failure before I even start.

So there it is, Goals = Failure to me, until Coach Dar! I share this with you, in case there is anyone else out there who struggles with the word GOALS.  May her words inspire you, like they inspired me!
*2015 won't be a New Year, unless there is a new you
*If your life was to end tomorrow, would you be happy with how people remembered you?
*Are you a person of excellence? Do you live and act as a truly excellent human being?
In the playbook of greatness- these are the top 5 plays!
1. Successful people have a core purpose- they reach their goals because they have a WHY. What is your life's mission statement? What is your purpose for your goals?  If your goals are not based on your core values and beliefs, then you will fail!
2. Raise the Bar- Be an exceptional person- Ask yourself constantly- is this how a person of excellence acts? Is this what they do? Is this how they speak?
3. Commit to the Grind- do the mundane, be intentional. Successful people are different from Unsuccessful people because they do the things the Unsuccessful people don't want to do.
4. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Push past your comfort zone, grow those muscles! Courage isn't the absence of fear, it is facing it head on!
5. Surround yourself with those who will push you, challenge you and make you a better person.  Pick your fab 5- choose wisely.

Now, to be completely fair- I can not give Coach Dar all the credit, because honestly God has been whispering to my heart for the past few months now. The word UNCOMFORTABLE has become a part of my everyday life....my whole life has been very uncomfortable, again I'll save that for another blog entry!  But here is what I want, deep in my heart, I want to be a truly excellent marathon runner! I want to be a woman of excellence. I want to be a woman of integrity.  I want to be a woman who encourages and models that for her daughters. I want my 2015 to be a new year and I want to be a new me!  If my life ended tomorrow, I want people to say she gave her all to be a woman of excellence.  I have finally realized my WHYS for my goals were always wrong- this time I think I have it right.  My goals- no matter what area of my life- simply boil down to one WHY!
***I want my life to glorify the Lord, in word and in deed.*** I want to exemplify Matthew 5:16 In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.

So now I am raising the bar! In fact I even walked back half an aisle at the grocery store to put back a bag of Doritos, rather than leave them on a random shelf after deciding I didn't want them. I walked my grocery cart back to the cart coral, rather than leave it for someone else to collect. Are these big changes? Not necessarily, but I asked myself "Would a person of excellence do this? How would a true follower of Christ act?  These task they were small, they were mundane, they were the grind and  it is definitely doing something that other people don't want to do- I didn't want to do. But I did it, it was outside of my comfort zone- and these small acts will inspire bigger acts. I know I won't do it all the time, and I will forgive myself when I don't but I will push forward because this time, this year I am focused more on my WHY. With my Why I am less likely to lose interest because it's about HIM not me. I am more likely to be more confident- because I will be looking to Him to encourage me and guide me. When I want to say I give up, its too hard- He is there to remind me I don't have to do anything- He can do it through me.  His words will never leave me feeling bad about myself  or leave me unsatisfying. And as for surrounding myself with my Fab 5 and people to encourage me- He has supplied me with a generous amount of people to choose from!

I am blessed and honored to be able to blog again,  I only hope that I can encourage someone the way that I have been encouraged. I have really missed blogging and I am glad that I am re-committing myself to do. I look expectantly to what 2015 will bring, because I already know 2015 is going to be a new year, because God has already changed me into a new me!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6J7L6RP6Lc