So I got a few private responses regarding my last blog, and I truly appreciate the encouragement and the advice. However, I did have more to say about the topic- I was just trying to break it up. I had to build suspense see- make you want to read more...lol!
Once upon a time I was a youth group leader to Jr. and Sr. High students, a wonderful time in my young adult life I might add! Anyway one of the young women in my group struggled with having a deep connection with girls her age and felt very empty without a BFF. I remember thinking at the time, how sad to be her age and not have at least 1 BFF she could confide in and share her heart with. It was foreign to me, I can honestly say growing up I had always had at least one best friend. But when I found myself without one last May, her heartache really hit me and I finally understood it. I started talking to God and saying "Lord, who am I gonna talk to about some of my deep heart issues now? Who will be there for me when I need to unload my struggles with being a mom and wife?" Now, at this point I began to mourn the loss of my friendship deeply. But God is mysterious in how He works and gets His point across to me. I began to hear Him ask me "What do you miss about her?" Well I miss that we were different and yet still had a connection and He said "Don't you have that with your other friends." Hmmm.... I miss that she knew deep things about me and still loved and respected me. "What about your women's group and the connections you have made there?" I loved that she was there when I felt like I needed to blow up and let off some steam. "Don't you still have women in your life who do that?" I loved that we would do things together and hang out. "You don't now?" I loved that she was honest and would tell me like it is. "Nina, I think you might agree that the women in your life tell you like it is now.....only maybe they do it in a way that is more encouraging and positive! Can you not turn to the multiple women in your life now at any given time and they will be there for you? Don't the women in your life love you unconditionally now? Aren't they sticking it out with you? And Nina...." Yes God...."If none of them were around....would I be enough for you? Would you trust me and allow me to fill the void for her?"
God is soooooooooooooooooo amazing! He began to show me how I didn't need 1 BFF, because He has blessed me with different women for different reasons and seasons in my life. Just like my husband is the most important thing under God, Kevin is not my all in all. Each person in my life contributes something of value, something of purpose, something of love! I can not make one friend my all in all, when I have so many He has blessed me with. Healthy friendships with amazing women!
I began to realize, it wasn't me. The friendship ending wasn't about me- it was about her and it was her issues. I can only take responsibility for my share of the relationship and I evaluate where I can improve in the friend department! A good friend was worried I was really trying to rate myself on the friendship scale, but honestly none of us is perfect- all of us fall short and that is why we need Jesus! I will never be a perfect friend and I will never find a perfect friend, but I can try to be the best that I can! I can take responsibility for things I do and say wrong, I can be more considerate and try to think more of others and less of my own problems. I can reach out more and take initiative more! I can eliminate expectations and judgement and love deeper! I realize I am blessed to know some pretty amazing women and I need to be thankful for that- because not everyone has that or finds that! God, thank you for the gift of women friends and I thank you for the heartache I had to go through to realize I had way more than I ever realized! Thank you for creating them differently and uniquely and bringing each one into my life at just the right time. Help me to be a better friend, a better example of you. Help me to love without holding back and to trust more deeply! This is the end of an era...but the start of an even greater one!
Once upon a time I was a youth group leader to Jr. and Sr. High students, a wonderful time in my young adult life I might add! Anyway one of the young women in my group struggled with having a deep connection with girls her age and felt very empty without a BFF. I remember thinking at the time, how sad to be her age and not have at least 1 BFF she could confide in and share her heart with. It was foreign to me, I can honestly say growing up I had always had at least one best friend. But when I found myself without one last May, her heartache really hit me and I finally understood it. I started talking to God and saying "Lord, who am I gonna talk to about some of my deep heart issues now? Who will be there for me when I need to unload my struggles with being a mom and wife?" Now, at this point I began to mourn the loss of my friendship deeply. But God is mysterious in how He works and gets His point across to me. I began to hear Him ask me "What do you miss about her?" Well I miss that we were different and yet still had a connection and He said "Don't you have that with your other friends." Hmmm.... I miss that she knew deep things about me and still loved and respected me. "What about your women's group and the connections you have made there?" I loved that she was there when I felt like I needed to blow up and let off some steam. "Don't you still have women in your life who do that?" I loved that we would do things together and hang out. "You don't now?" I loved that she was honest and would tell me like it is. "Nina, I think you might agree that the women in your life tell you like it is now.....only maybe they do it in a way that is more encouraging and positive! Can you not turn to the multiple women in your life now at any given time and they will be there for you? Don't the women in your life love you unconditionally now? Aren't they sticking it out with you? And Nina...." Yes God...."If none of them were around....would I be enough for you? Would you trust me and allow me to fill the void for her?"
God is soooooooooooooooooo amazing! He began to show me how I didn't need 1 BFF, because He has blessed me with different women for different reasons and seasons in my life. Just like my husband is the most important thing under God, Kevin is not my all in all. Each person in my life contributes something of value, something of purpose, something of love! I can not make one friend my all in all, when I have so many He has blessed me with. Healthy friendships with amazing women!
I began to realize, it wasn't me. The friendship ending wasn't about me- it was about her and it was her issues. I can only take responsibility for my share of the relationship and I evaluate where I can improve in the friend department! A good friend was worried I was really trying to rate myself on the friendship scale, but honestly none of us is perfect- all of us fall short and that is why we need Jesus! I will never be a perfect friend and I will never find a perfect friend, but I can try to be the best that I can! I can take responsibility for things I do and say wrong, I can be more considerate and try to think more of others and less of my own problems. I can reach out more and take initiative more! I can eliminate expectations and judgement and love deeper! I realize I am blessed to know some pretty amazing women and I need to be thankful for that- because not everyone has that or finds that! God, thank you for the gift of women friends and I thank you for the heartache I had to go through to realize I had way more than I ever realized! Thank you for creating them differently and uniquely and bringing each one into my life at just the right time. Help me to be a better friend, a better example of you. Help me to love without holding back and to trust more deeply! This is the end of an era...but the start of an even greater one!
You are an amazing young woman. I love being a part of your life and sharing in your struggles and accomplishments :) Your writing is amazing too.I love to read your blogs.....Have a wonderful day : ) I love you dearly
ReplyDeleteNina,
ReplyDeleteFriends come and go because we are on a journey called life. God has put women in my life for a season and yes it is hard when we move into another season of our lives. I mourn the loss of good high school friends, college friends at times, and also friends that were part of my life for only a moment or two. God has helped me see too that friendship takes 2 and that He can be your best friend. I am struggling with feeling accepted and of worth, but what does the Word of God say. I am accepted in Christ and I am of worth in His sight. Nothing can compare to His love. I may not have a perfect husband who can relate to me at all times, but I am also married to THE PERFECT HUSBAND who can relate to me and who I can talk to at all times. I understand. I have enjoyed reading your post today.