Have you ever had a struggle, that last for so long, that hurt so badly you never thought it would end? When it's so dark in the hole that you are in, you wonder if you will ever be able to see the sunlight again?
Have you ever felt you couldn't breath to loud because if you did, something might come along and just snatch that breath right out of your body?
Do you hold your breath at times because of fear, that the other shoe will drop?
Do you know what it's like to have your hopes believe that tomorrow will be different and things will finally start to change- but they don't- and so you continue to wait?
But as you wait, your hope is slipping away, parts of you feel numb and begin to die. Life, honestly seems unbearable.
You question your purpose and why you are in this place? What does it all mean? What good will come of this suffering, this heartache, this pain?
All the strength you possess is wasted just getting yourself out of bed, so you can face the day. Then with the first step it hits you, the fear that this will be the best you feel all day because the attacks haven't started yet.
Depression and loneliness sink into your heart, you isolate yourself because you really don't want to talk about what's wrong to one more incredibly helpful, well meaning person.
In the isolation, darkness grabs you tighter. Your will to press on is almost gone and you have no one to help carry you because of that isolation.
You are tired...so very tired. Weary. You just want the chaos in your heart to stop.
You are in a sense, shattered and broken. "And all the kings horses, and all the kings men, couldn't put you back together again..." OK, but really, how would horses help put you back together? That's just ridiculous (wink)
I write this, because I know this darkness. In the bible, Job knew this darkness too.
Job 23:17 "Darkness is all around me;
Do you recognize it? Have you or are you experiencing it right now?
Is just the mere mention of this darkness, painful even to acknowledge as you are reading this?
My friend, I have come with a message of hope to encourage you. I am witness to the One who can deliver you from this darkness. I have been on and continue to be on a heartbreaking journey of motherhood with my oldest child. I have been in this darkness for several years now, and it is only recently that my eyes have been open and my ears can now hear the truth. I have read and heard scripture verses, worship songs, listened to other's testimonies, read books by Christian authors, attended seminars and workshops- I was full of God's Good News for years! But it was only recently that I allowed Him to penetrate my heart and transform me. I am being transformed and I am being renewed daily and because of that, I write this today for you.
I want you to know that it's not hopeless, the struggle will end, there is light at the end of the tunnel, the shoe won't drop, the walls won't cave in, you can breathe freely. The Creator of the Universe, the one who made the stars in the heavens, who knows the amount of sand on all the beaches in the world- made you! He is so in love with you and wants to deliver you from this evil, this bondage that has you captive- all you have to do, all I had to do, was surrender. Give in to Him, wave your white flag and drop into His loving arms. You are safe in the shadow of His wing, you will find comfort for your soul, you will find rest, you will find renewed strength, you will once again, find HOPE! It's not a mythological fairytale- it's not wishful thinking- it's not karma! It's the power of the Risen King.
It's so simple, but so very hard- to surrender. What does that mean? What does it look like?
That depends on you?
Do you know God?
Have you accepted His Free gift of Salvation through the death and resurrection of His son Jesus Christ?
Do you trust Him and His Word?
Do you trust that He will lead and guide you safely?
If you can answer yes to those, then right now- declare it out loud. In your words or mine *LORD- I am in bondage. I need you. I can not do this alone or on my own. I confess my control in trying to keep it together and do it my way or on my own. I realize the more control I have tried to attain, the more damage that's been done. Things are not getting better and I can't fix it. Please forgive me for holding on and trying to steer life the way I think I should. Forgive me for my pride of thinking I know better than you, that I don't need you - obviously that's not really working out to well for me. I surrender Lord- I give it all to you right now. I wave my white flag and I lay my darkness at your feet. I don't want this crap anymore. I am tired of sadness and heartache. I want joy back and I want peace back in my life. I am tired of feeling hopeless, I am tired of (NAME YOUR BONDAGE). Merciful Father, I lift my hands to you to be used for your will, not mine. Use me as you want to, not as I think I should be used. I don't want to be in charge anymore, I resign my position to you Lord and I bow humbly, prostrate before you and cry out for deliverance. In Your Name I pray- Amen!
Now that you have laid it at his feet, leave it there- then pick up your bible and read the book of Psalms! Read it all- soak it up. Read the cries of David, find comfort in the words. Draw upon it for strength. Then start writing down, specifically, all that you want Him to do-pour out your heart- ask Him. Be bold! Then BELIEVE His word and His promises. Stand firm and secure in Him! Praise Him for hearing you, for answering your prayers and working in your life. Praise Him for the good and the bad (Ask him to show you how He will use the bad- because He will!)
Psalms 28:6-8a "Praise the Lord, for He has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust Him will all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of Thanksgiving. The Lord gives His people strength."
Now here comes the hard part. Here's the real. Your situation may or many not go away. Your problem may even become harder. You may face greater trials- BUT I can promise you that if you truly let the Lord lead your life and guide you- You will be different! Your mind will change, your heart will change and your thoughts will change. He will transform you by the renewing of your mind. You will find peace, you will find light in dark times. You will find the joy and peace because your hope, my HOPE is in the Lord. And as long as He has my back, I press on and I trust Him. Feelings are false and can lie- Faith is real and can be tested and trusted! There will be days that are bad before you even step out of bed, but if you take that moment before getting up and place it in the Lord's hand- I promise you friend you will experience a difference.
Maybe you will have to surrender minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day. Do it- don't let the enemy win. The enemy is a roaring lying that seeks to destroy and devour you- let him roar. Picture Simba as a cub in the movie "The Lion King" trying to roar like his dad Mufasa, it was a sad and pitiful roar. Then picture Mufasa's mighty roar- That my friends is God! He is the great LION! He is our Defender, our Deliverer, our Protector! The King of Creation has this one- sit back and watch Him work.
Maybe you aren't there yet, you don't know about this God and all this mumbo jumbo- that's OK. He believes in you, even if you don't believe in Him yet. But I challenge you to give it a shot-surrender your doubt of who He is and what He has done for you (John 3:16) start seeking God out. He will meet you, You will find him when you look for Him. Feel free to e-mail and ask me any questions you might have about who He is, I will gladly share with you all that I can and if I can't, then I will point you to someone else who can.
Over the next few weeks and months I will share with you this painful journey I am on. My hope is to encourage you to fight with me in this battle for our hearts and the lives of those we love. I write to ask you to join me and pray for me and my family as we face the enemies daily attacks and in return if you have a prayer request please share it with me. We can do this together! The battle has already been won and victory belongs to the Lord!
Father, thank you for this time of writing- thank you for the words you give to me. Help me to be focused on sharing what you want and not just what I think I should write. I surrender control of this blog to you. Be with those who read this and draw them closer to your heart so that they might discover Your true heart. Thank you for being my hope and for rescuing me!
All Glory and Honor and Power be to You- forever and ever! Amen