The "Committed" Mom?

I am blessed to be the mom of three wonderfully amazing children I call Brent, Lottie and Kenzie. But honestly, there are days when I am committed and days when I need to be committed! So here's where this little blog comes in...my refuge- my sanctuary...my opportunity to share with all who care, the joys of being a "Committed" Mom!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

What Really Matters

I know I blog about my kids and the craziness of being their mom. I know that I frequently want to pull my hair out and complain to whoever will listen, but today's blog entry is a little different. A little life altering excitement happened today and I know that it has forever changed me. Granted what I am about to blog about didn't happen to my child, and I can not even imagine what it would have been like to be in my future sister in laws shoes, but it could have easily happened to me- and as I quickly learned today it could happen to anyone! Today my God rocked my world, He shook my foundation, He challenged my faith...and today I feel like I passed a pretty big test!
It was a gorgeous summer day-84 degrees and sunny, the perfect day for a baby shower outside. I rode with my mom, my awesome sister-in-law to be Julee, my adorable 1 year old nephew Holden(Bear)and my Bug! (I don't know what my family has for the letter B when nicknaming our children, but Bug, Bear and The Boy work for us!) I will admit I was slightly irritated with my daughter, because 20 minutes before leaving the house she decides she is going to get on my last nerve by doing anything and everything she knows she is not supposed to do, while mommy attempts to get ready. I had debated putting her down for an early nap- but nixed it (smart Nina...real smart!) Holden was also a little tired, and so both Julee and I were geared up for lots of fun! 2 Toddlers+ Little or No Nap= Good times!
Both kids explored Karen's backyard and seemed to be enjoying their time outside. Bug wanted Julee to color and so I volunteered to chase my nephew around for a little bit to give both of us, special Auntie time. Bear was in a good mood and loved running his little feet up and down the slope of the driveway. His good mood lasted a little longer than an hour, before he began to show his displeasure with being awake. Figuring I would give Julee some time to eat, and loving any moment of cuddle time with babies that I can get- I stole him and attempted to lull him to sleep with my magic bosom. I cradled Holden in my arms, as he whimpered every so slightly, as most kids do when fighting sleep. It's was hard to believe how in just a short time, I won't be able to do this with him anymore- he is growing so fast!
As I held him, I walked around to find shade from the sun and allowed the heavenly breeze to blow over both of us- I was hot- he was sweaty and it's summer! He jerked a few times as I imagined he was having that lovely falling dream we all have, and fluttered his eyes open a couple times to show he had not given in to the sweet slumber. As much as I loved staring at that little guy in my arms, I did praise God when Jules arrived after a short time to steal him back because my arms were about to give out on me (Which reminded me, I really needed to do some arm exercises!) She tried to take him in the house and put him in front of the fan to cool him, but after the pass off Bear was wide awake! Both of them made their appearance and Momma Bear decided to feed the baby- he seemed groggy but he ate and then went and sat with Grandma. Grandma's lap is good for rocking and good for putting babies to sleep too, only this time Grandma's lap was used very differently.
I can't even begin to describe the process of what transpired next...it started with Julee screaming, "Oh my God what's wrong with him?" On Grandma's lap little Bear began to have a seizure, his little body was ghostly white and looked helplessly trapped in his body nestled next to Grandma. The horrible cries of a mother never wants to say "Please someone call 911" and it was as if everyone around us was frozen and Jules, Grandma and Myself were the only ones moving. Julee's pleads continued, but it was already done- someone was on it. "Call Pat" - on it. The Angels were moving fast!
It was surreal to be apart of, as my aunt Sharon and her neice (OUR BEST GOD SENT ANGEL) Laurie, who was a nurse, came over to assist my mom with Holden. At this point all I heard was someone say he was turning blue and to turn him to his side. Julee fell to the ground crying out for her baby. My cousin Sammi was on the other side of Julee and was holding her with me, when we were instructed to get her away from the scene. I can honestly say at the moment I could not move- take her away- how could I? How do you get a mother away from her baby who is not moving or breathing? I caught a small glimpse of my nephew, whose body was lifeless on the ground and heard Julee screaming and in that moment, it was only God who helped Sammi and I to stand her up and move her out of the way. It was only God who held Julee with His mighty arms and carried her off, because as his aunt and a mom- I wanted to crumble with her.
We got her to the fence as they gave Holden CPR....and all that I could do was pray. Pray over Julee, pray for Holden, pray for God to send his angels to hold that baby close. Prayers to be with him and her. Prayers to revive him and give Holden back to us. When that first little cry came out, Julee was rushed to her baby. Sadly he still did not look good and his cry was weak, all that poor baby wanted to do was go to sleep, and that could not happen yet! Through all the madness I had no idea where my own baby was. God had placed another angel to look after her so that I could be there for Julee. I held tightly to my daughter, as I watched another mom's desperate pleas and cries for her baby went up to God. God guided those angels hands and they worked their love on him, as a healthy cry returned to the his body. Bug just looked on, she didn't understand what was going on, she just said "Oden,(which is her British way of saying Holden)sad mommy?" and she pointed to him on the ground. At that moment I said "Yes baby Holden is sad, will you pray to God with me for Holden?" She enthusiastically said yes! I tell you there is nothing sweeter than the sound of a prayer out of a baby's mouth to the heavenly father! "Dear God, please help Holden and keep him safe" and when we were done, the ambulance had arrived. To me it felt like hours had passed in waiting for them to get there, I can't imagine what it felt like to Julee.
My baby brother arrived just in time to get into the ambulance to take his son to the hospital and I got on the phone to call my husband to let him know what had happened. At this point I am beginning to realize I am not crying, but when I heard my husband's voice say "Hello..." the tears fell. I could barely cohesively speak to him. My mind was flooded-What just happened? How did this happen? And God please, please, please don't let there be anything more than this....My nephew...this gift of life to our family...this blessing He is your baby Lord- but I beg of you please don't take my nephew! I managed to fight back the tears enough so that I could calmly and safely drive.
On the way to the hospital I picked up my son from a birthday party and we shared a brief talk about what had happened (I used kid details- nothing more, nothing less) and asked him if he wanted to pray for his cousin- to which he did. "Lord, help Holden to get better and I ask that you let him have a really good time when he gets out!" My son plays the comedic role for Holden, always trying to make him laugh by being silly and so he knew the importance of a good time in prayer!
I am pleased to report that my nephew went home, hours after arriving. It appears he suffered a heat seizure, which can come on very quick and just sort of happens! He had been fighting being sick for over a week and was actually running a 101.8 temperature that day, but we never knew it because we were outside in the summer heat! The doctor seemed convinced that he would be ok and that's all it was....give him Motrin and wait it out- pray the fever breaks. Still praying, because it hasn't broken yet....
I write this all to say it's funny how what really matters comes into perspective when you experience things like this and those little annoyances- like what your daughter does right before you leave the house or the argument you had with your son that morning over taking care of his toys, even doing arm exercises- seem to lose their importance. And all that really matters is now, this time, this moment you have while they are here, while God has shared them with you. Cherish them, cuddle them, play with them, pray with them, love them to the depth, width and height that you possibly can, because after all isn't that what really matters?