Once upon a time, not so long ago God asked us "Do you have room in your inn- for my child?" This wasn't Christ He was asking us about, but it was one of His favorites! I don't know why I feel so sentimental about my son today, maybe it's because he is growing up so fast and it kind of caught me off guard. Maybe it's the way I see him changing, good and bad and the way I wish I could hold up signs and show him which way to go to avoid damage control. Maybe it's because I think he is totally amazing, depsite the fact that I want to tear my hair out of my head and I pretty much ground him every other day. Maybe it's because it breaks my heart to hear him call himself names and wish that I could destroy those thoughts that tear him down! Maybe it's because I weep that he doesn't believe he is that incredible. Maybe it because I get so angry that his little self-esteem is so jaded by what was done to him, prior to him coming to live with us.
However I cling to the fact that my son knows God and loves God with all his heart. I know that it was only God who got him through the things he has seen and believe me, he has told me some stories that will blow your mind! He is the most resiliant little guy I know- and no matter how bleak it gets for him- he always tries to have a positive attitude. Let me give you an example of this positive outlook that drives me to madness: Brent gets grounded and sent to his room. He will ask if he can play- if I say yes, then he says "Well at least I got to play today". If I say no, and tell him he can only read books, my half-full kid says "Well at least I can read books today". If I say you can't play or read books, just lay in your bed" My ray of sunshine says "Well at least it's only for one day!" Do you see the geniousness of it all? It makes me crazy but I love it about him!
Lately he and I have been making it a point to read out of his God's Warrior Devotional Bible, and it is teaching both of us sooooooooo much! We take turns reading out of it and discussing what it says, and we enjoy talking about God and how he did these really cool things. I also believe that our hugs have improved because of this intimate time as Mom and son. Don't get me wrong his hugs were always great before, but now they are a little different. They are the kind of hugs that wrap around your neck and holds on tight. It's the kind that fills your whole heart with an overwhelming love and makes you hug back a little tighter and never want to let that moment go. They have taken on a new meaning and I am soaking it up!
My kid, he challenges me, he breaks my heart and makes me cry, I really want to be committed 360 days out of the year...But underneath the whining and the pouting and the back talk is a guy who loves deep...he is kind and caring. He is a terrific big brother and cousin. He is a big silly goofball and he loves attention! He is loving and sweet and tenderhearted, he is sooooooooooooo smart and such a BOY! And he may not have come out of my body but he was definitely born in and continues to grow in my heart!
I am so glad there was room in our inn the night God asked me to be Brent's mommy! I love you B...You are the Best!