When Kevin and I got married and began discovering each other's little habits, the one area that still remains a secret is bathroom rituals. We all have them, our process of how and what we do when we enter that sacred room. Being that I have always been a woman and grown up with a brother who was 7 years my junior, I never witnessed a boy/man's ritual. I never understood why men complained about why women can take so long in the bathroom and how they are finished so fast. Rituals are a mystery to me...as well I think they should be- Janeane Garafolo said in Reality Bites "My parents have been married for 26 years. Theyre like brother and sister at this point. She goes to the bathroom with the door open. That would be “A”. And “B” that’s disgusting." I guess I never want the romance to leave my marriage because I pee with the door open in front of my family...something just doesn't seem right there. However, having that brother and sister-I am finding out some secrets behind the rituals and have developed some theories. I find it fascinating how know one teaches us rituals, it's all a part of how we were created, it's a part of our wiring- and a part of God's sense of humor.
Lottie for example is my 'girly' girl, I didn't have to teach her to love clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry, make-up- God just created her to be that way. Lottie loves to spend time in the bathroom, as I have learned through her potty training. Granted it could be because it is all new, but somehow I think this is more deep rooted than that. Lottie goes in and wants to find every possible reason imaginable to stay in there. First we go in, to of course "Go Potty", as she sits on the toilet her little mind is racing looking around for what she wants to do next. In fact, she is so excited to do something else she almost jumps off the potty before she is finished! "Mommy, I take a bath?" Lottie loves bubble baths and splashing and playing for hours if she could. "Mommy, I wash my hands?" My very hygienic daughter loves to play in the water and sing "Happy Birthday" to the Itsy Bitsy Spider or whoever else she picks that day and she could go in and wash anytime, she loves it! "Mommy, muck up?" She knows mommy puts on her make-up and of course loves to do the same. "Mommy, comb my hair?" If I left her alone with the pick and comb I am sure she could do something fabulous with it-but dang mommy always gets in the way- especially when it comes to putting lotions and conditioner in my hair! "Mommy, I brush my teeth?" She literally ask me 900 times a day to brush her teeth and she even ask me at other's people's houses. She wants to try out their toothbrushes and their toothpaste. To Lottie it's actually about sucking the toothpaste off the toothbrush, but the point is she enjoys it. She brings her books and babies into the bathroom, she inquires what everyone else is doing in the bathroom and has no problems shoving the door wide open while you are doing your ritual, so next time you're over make sure the door is closed all the way, because Lottie wants to know! Lottie's total bathroom time over the entire day, if given the chance would be 22 hours and 56 seconds.
Now Brent, my "boy's' boy is her polar opposite! Brent will wait until the last possible second to even enter the bathroom. He can often be seen doing the "potty dance" and everyone in the room can comment and inquire about whether he has to go, but he will say no until he is absolutely ready to wet himself. These are often how the conversations go...
"Brent, please go take a quick shower (or bath)"
"But it will take to long and I will miss all the excitement of watching you and dad sit in the living room and do nothing or I might miss out on fighting with my sister"
Upon leaving the bathroom my husband will ask "Brent, did you wash your hands?" Not wanting to lie but not wanting to admit he did not, he often ask "Can I go check?"
Brent does not enjoy singing "Happy Birthday" to anyone and if he does it- he literally can break the speed barrier of the quickest rendition humanly possible.
Brent, praise God, does not inquire about make-up!
"Brent, did you comb your hair today?" again the famous response is given, "Can I go check?" Brent doesn't care who is in the bathroom, he never desires to be in the bathroom- in fact I question if he is allergic to the bathroom and he is only 6. Brent's total bathroom time the entire day if given the chance 10 seconds.
Now based on these two observations, we can see 2 things: 1. You can easily see why women take so long in the bathroom- it all starts when they are little girls! Now men know that we do the same things we used to do, only now we add a little more grown up stuff to it. AND 2. Why men are always waiting for women in the first place!